5 key skills to preserving a healthy relationship

I have been married to my husband for over five years now. Our relationship is stronger than ever before. We have had some hardships before and we were able to surpass them all. It is through adversity our love for each other is tested, thankfully we survived that it even made us see how we are as a person and as a married couple.

We have a gap of 17 years yet I see no age in our marriage, I see no color and I see no ethnicity. It is just so amazing how the two of us get along very well in almost all aspects of our lives although there are few misunderstandings sometimes. I owe a lot to my husband for he is such a good guy, a good provider, a very responsible and devoted husband to me and the best father to Jadyn. I am looking forward to grow old with him, nourish our relationship and cherish every moment spent with him and our children together in the future.

If you read this and wants to know some helpful keys on preserving a healthy relationship, read on. I snagged this from the internet to share it here to you all.


Be willing to forfeit: the win-win strategy
Disagreements are inevitable — as unavoidable as Tuesdays or the common cold. They don’t have to be acrimonious, though. And I’ve learned that in marriage the choice is often to win or to be happy. Being harsh and critical in an argument is only going to hurt feelings and alienate your partner. That’s fine if you want to rule the roost, but if you want to love and be loved, you’ve got to care for your partner’s feelings, especially when you’re fighting.

“When there’s a lot of goodwill, it’s amazing what you can say and still feel good about each other,” says Catherine Hastings, Ph.D., a licensed marriage and family therapist in Lancaster, PA.

Hastings sees couples become polarized in their disagreements, with neither person willing to yield. The problem, she says, “is the idea that there has to be right and wrong in an argument. And there really doesn’t.”

Get to the point, nicely
I can be a little sensitive sometimes, and not in the sweet and caring way. Usually in the don’t-talk-to-me-about-my-shortcomings way. Lots of couples struggle to discuss the big issues that can rend a marriage in two. Who wants to talk about money management, family relationships and child rearing (to name just a few) while you’re falling in love? These don’t come up easily when you’re sipping coffee and eating molten chocolate cake.

“People are not direct enough,” says Jane Barton, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Knoxville, TN. “Indirect communication can be really damaging.”

She says that couples need to find ways to discuss the touchy subjects before they get married instead of hoping that marriage will fix any conflicts. It won’t. You may find yourself legally and emotionally bound to someone with a wicked online gambling habit or who thinks children respond best to pain.

Take money habits, for instance. “With the economy the way it is and things in the news, it would be an easy thing to bring up on a date,” she says. You can also learn a lot by watching your partner. “Is she shopping at Barneys and really shouldn’t be?”

The point is not to criticize your partner and attempt to rein in his or her habits. You want to know if his or her decisions are in line with your values. If you’re honest with yourself about your needs, you’ll know if conflicts are on the horizon.

“Don’t take on the task of teaching a person or being anyone’s personal therapist,” says Barton. “Identify what you feel and share it.”

Recognize that there is an “I” in marriage
My wife and I are a team, talking, sharing and negotiating most decisions together. We’re individuals, too, though, and we don’t lose sight of that. We encourage each other’s goals and ambitions because we don’t feel threatened by them.

“Healthy relationships have room for that — his interests, her interests,” says Hastings. After all, she points out, “if you’re not able to address your own needs, no one else is going to do it for you.”

Be a copycat
Finding that mix of individuality and teamwork isn’t necessarily easy, but it’s essential. We simultaneously let each other be who we are while being influenced by each other. I had to learn to argue kindly, for instance, giving up the notion of the win. My wife somehow already knew that when we met.

John Gottman, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who has studied relationships for more than 30 years, written several leading books about marriage and is the executive director of the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, WA. According to Gottman, one of the key components of a successful marriage is that the husband allows the wife to influence him. While women in general tend to be influenced by men without much emotional difficulty, men are often resistant. A man who allows a woman’s ideas and attitudes to impact his own is creating an equal exchange within the marriage.

And, as Hastings points out, you should learn to appreciate the difference. Each of you has strengths and weaknesses. Learning to let the strengths come through, no matter whose they are, makes for a better team.

Be positive — it’s not just a blood type
One of my wife’s greatest strengths is a generally positive outlook. Allowing her to shape the spin on a situation isn’t always easy, with my undeniable knowledge that the world is ending. But slowly, over the course of our marriage, I’ve become willing to see through her eyes.

“People need to learn early on,” says Barton, “that there are always going to be problems. There’s always going to be stress, somebody gets sick or somebody dies, and that’s part of life.” Successful couples, she says, dwell on the good times and not on the bad.

SOURCE: YAHOO Seth Wharton is a writer who lives in New York City with his wife of seven years and their two cats. In addition to doling out invaluable relationship guidance, he writes fiction.

Places To Retire

Another sensible article I read on yahoo today. As usual I would like to impart this to my readers just so they can have an idea on where to retire. We are all going there someday. In fact, my husband has got few more years before retiring and as early as now, we should discuss things like these so when the right time comes we know where we going.

These suggested countries below could accommodate you if you only live for 1,200 a month of your pension. If you plan of staying in U.S then you probably receive more than that because of the living expense here is too costly. As for us, I would like to retire in my home country, the Philippines. With 1,200 USD to live by every month, that should be more than enough that of course if I can convince my husband to live in a hot tropical climate all-year round.

The average Social Security check is about $1,200. You can receive that payment while living anywhere in the world. In some countries, you can even have your Social Security check direct-deposited into your local bank account. Here are five places where you could retire on your Social Security income alone.

Boquete, Panama. Panama offers super user-friendly options for foreign residency. Resident retirees receive a long list of benefits including discounts on everything from prescription medicines and in-country air travel to closing costs on the purchase of real estate.

Granada, Nicaragua.

Granada, Nicaragua. Granada is a charming Spanish-colonial city built around a beautiful and lively central square. It's also home to a welcoming community of expat retirees enjoying new lives in this land of lakes and volcanoes. You could live well in Granada on about $900 per month.

Hangzou, China. About $1,000 a month could buy you a comfortable and super-exotic new life in Hangzou.

Morelia, Mexico. You could retire on a budget of about $1,100 per month in this colonial city full of charm and history. A friend calls Morelia the "coolest Mexican city you've never heard of."

Cuenca, Ecuador. The average monthly Social Security check ($1,200) could also buy you a pleasant new life in Cuenca. The city has an established community of expats who will welcome you and help with your transition. The other big plus for Cuenca is its climate. Ecuador is a land of eternal springtime, never too hot and never too cold.

THIS ARTICLE IS LIFTED FROM YAHOO NEWS.

4 Foods For Younger-Looking Skin

Here's to skin conscious people. If you would like to keep your supple, healthy, younger-looking skin forever, eat these four wonderful foods that helps maintain your collagen to help fight getting wrinkles.

I am an Asian and naturally tan in color so I don't bother getting in the sun so much for the sake of getting brown, I am talented in that part. However, I would still want to keep my skin as it is right now, wrinkle free and not sagging. Thanks to this wonderful tips from Brierley Wright, M.S., R.D.

Strawberries: Eating more vitamin C-rich foods, such as strawberries, may help to ward off wrinkles and age-related dryness, suggests research from 2007 in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition. Vitamin C’s skin-smoothing effects may be due to its ability to mop up free radicals produced from ultraviolet rays and also its role in collagen synthesis. (Vitamin C is essential for collagen production.) You can find vitamin C in a multitude of cosmetics—of which some have been shown to be effective in protecting skin—but why not go straight to the source for a tasty boost of C: red bell peppers, papaya, broccoli and oranges are other excellent sources. (Try these sweet strawberry recipes for better skin.)

Tomatoes: Tomatoes get their red hue from lycopene, a carotenoid that may help to keep your skin smooth. In a study published in 2008 in the European Journal of Pharmaceutics and Biopharmaceutics, researchers found that of the 20 individuals studied, those who had higher skin concentrations of lycopene had smoother skin. Boost your lycopene intake with fresh summer produce like watermelon and carrots too. (Find tomato recipe ideas here.)

Tofu: Tofu and other soyfoods, such as edamame and soymilk, may help to preserve skin-firming collagen because they are rich in isoflavones. In a study published in the Journal of the American College of Nutrition, mice fed isoflavones and exposed to ultraviolet radiation had fewer wrinkles and smoother skin than mice that were exposed to UV light but didn’t get isoflavones. The researchers believe that isoflavones help prevent collagen breakdown. (Find tasty 30-minute dinners using tofu here.)

Tuna: Eating tuna—and other omega-3-rich fish, such as salmon, sardines and trout—may help keep your skin looking youthful thanks to the omega-3 fat EPA (eicosapentaenoic acid). EPA has been shown to preserve collagen. (Enjoy tuna in Mediterranean Tuna Antipasto Salad and more healthy tuna recipes here.)

Application Of Citizenship

I can't believe I have gone this far in my endeavor. It feels like it was just yesterday when I found the man of my dream, came to join him in America, had a baby and built that desirable family I long to have for a long time and look at me now, I am about to apply for my U.S Citizenship.

I am quite ready for it. In fact, I have been practicing their self-help test on their website and I learned a lot of their history and current events although there are few questions I need to master before I could say I am totally ready for the interview.

I have the form total pages of ten filled out and is now waiting for the weekend to come so I can get a passport size photos and send my application to Dallas. Weewww I am getting so excited for this thing to be over with. After the citizenship, I will be done with US governmental papers and I will have the same rights as Americans do. I will be equal with them and for that I will let no one to put me down. Hopefully, God permits and allows me to be an American citizen and everything will be smooth and easy.

Abroad

As you have noticed on my Facebook list I got tons of people there that I kept after a thorough clean up last February. I deleted those that aren't that close to me I knew online and I met once in my life. Things were not meant to be so I decided to let them go. I don't feel any regret at all.

For strangers who just came across to my FB page, seeing more than 250 people in my list would probably think I am pathetic. If you call it that way then be it, I don't blame myself for that because most of those are from my elementary, high school, college and neighbors whom I got reconnected with through facebook.

Oh! To tell you the truth, I am so glad I joined FB and keep myself open for other eyes to see. Through it, I found tons of people way back in my school days. Just last night, I found two people who were my classmates in high school. Edilenson Igot was my 4th yr. h.s. classmate under Ma'am Sanchez, who was a quiet, smart, twiggy boy who just sat in one corner of our classroom tickling his guitar. I admired this kid for he was just simple yet deep.

When he accepted my request, I was grateful, I got to see his photos that concluded that he really was my classmate. He is now in New Zealand having a family of his own which is good for him. I thought wow what a fine man seeking his future outside the country, nanikay sikay ug nangita kaayohan para mo asenso!

Another one is Nelson Tunacao or "Isot" as most people called him. So nice to see his happy pictures along with Koreans. He probably works in South Korea, the pictures tell it all. Good job Isot, 'coz you joined those people who want to be responsible and successful in life.

Duh it just feel so freakin' good to have found several friends over the internet after almost a decade of losing contact with them. I can go on forever enumerating people who have made their way out of poverty and uplifted themselves for the better but I don't wanna bore you with this nonsense. Just come by more often check me out...

Indonesian Baby on 40 Cigarettes A Day

I feel bad about this baby who got hooked into cigarettes after being introduced by his father to cigarettes. This is depressing, instead of teaching the baby good values he screwed his life early. Watch the video and tell me how you feel about it afterwards. Honestly, I am speechless and I cannot fathom the father's mind why in the world he did to his own son.

Birth Order And Romantic Compatibility

This another great article I have read tonight on the internet and I thought it would be a good idea to share it here. I find this very true since it fits for both me and my husband's personality. I am married, I am the second child in the family to a husband who is the first born and yes he is somewhat a perfectionist person, yes a true leader as well...ah all of the characteristics describing the first born, my husband has it all and I am lucky for he accept my flaws even though for me he is perfect.

The oldest child: the leader, a good citizen, responsible, responsive to parents’ expectations, well-organized, precise, and prone to perfectionism.

The youngest child: takes on the baby role, easygoing, spontaneous, used to being noticed and fussed over, charming, and manipulative.

The middle child: has less of a clear-cut role in the family; instead, she often makes a place for herself outside the family, creating a network of close friends, venturing away from the family physically, and breaking the mold intellectually as well.

The only child: often has characteristics both of first children (capable, perfectionistic) and of youngest children (attention-seeking, self-centered).

Lifted from the internet, SOURCE HERE